I've been having a very difficult December, so strap in, because I really do wanna vent. For starters, I'm pregnant. It's my second child and he is laing me work for it. I have had horrible nausea, vomiting, bloating and other intestinal issues. I didn't get that shit sorted until like maybe the 15th. Some days I couldn't stand up I was so dizzy. It was really bad, and hard on my husband who has been an absolute angel.(i had hoped to get him a ps5 as a thank you but alas, no luck.) We had planned to fly across the country to my in laws for the holidays. The morning before the flight my kid opened up a her gifts from us and her other grand parents since we wouldn't be home for them on Christmas day. That afternoon, we found out my brother in law has covid. He has potentially exposed the whole family, and my kid is under five and thus not vaccinated (we are, and boosted! So is BIL, thsnkfully). So we immediately moved to cancel the flights and rebook for three weeks from now. We were devastated to be alone for the holidays again, but it was good to know we would still see everyone even if a bit late... Which is right when my daughter got sick. So, silver lining, we weren't flying with a vomiting toddler, but I have definitely scrubbed a whole lotta gross out of the carpets. Thankfully she felt better quickly. Now we were in the situation that she wouldn't have any gifts on Christmas, even though technically she already opened some. She had a gift from Santa coming, but that was it. So dad and I got her some really nice new books, and grandma sent a couple of gifts from Amazon so she would have things to open. Then my brother happened. My brother didn't send anything for husband and I. He sent a very small cheap gift for my girl, but that was it. I was very angry with him. I don't care about monetary value, it's the damn thought. Turns out his wife told him what tl get his niece, he didn't even pick it, and he assumed the adults weren't giving gifts? Which is dumb, because we do them every year. I sent his family like $300 worth of gifts, some picked from their lists, some picked from what I knew they'd like. I put thought into them. My brother didn't apologize. He said he'd "discuss with wife and send.. Something". I told him how hurt I was and how hurt my husband was, and we didn't want his afterthought forced pity gifts. (for people wondering my brother is very well off, last year he got his three kids each a switch. He sent my girl, who was 1 a toy for a 5-8 yr old w small pieces she could swallow. He's not poor, he's an asshole). My mom got angry with me because I was "bickering" with my sibling. Her sister died this past year and she felt we should do better in our relationship. I got pissed that she made it all about her and told her how much my brother was an ass and didn't give a shit sbout us, even though we keep trying to be family to them. She realized she misunderstood and apologized which was good. I told her of course I was sorry this brought up feelings about her sister and we made up okay. Yesterday, the 23rd, I made roasted tomato soup for the first time, to have with ham and cheese sandwiches. My husband got food poisoning. I just have extra nausea, and a bit of wretching. My poor husband's insides are liquifying. So we canceled the dinner we were going to host for is and another couple, to push to tomorrow. I don't have time to make the roast I was going to make now, and anyway neither of us really wants to eat anything. My daughter and I baked cookies this evening post nap. They came out all effed up because I misread the recipe and put in the wrong amount of butter. So they spread out super thin and burned. Thankfully daughter is okay w everything. She has been a beacon of rolling with the punches. Husband and I are just so exhausted and sad. It's been a hundred little things. I tell myself it's all okay, my daughter at 2 doesn't know any better, and seems to still be having a happy time. I tell myself that's what it is all about but the truth is my heart is just so tired of things not working out. I felt so alone the last couple of weeks because of the canceled trip and my family drama. My husband was sick day in bed and honestly I felt even more alone. I have been taking care of him thr best I can, taking care of my kid and trying to keep her positive about the holiday. I'm sad and so tired of pretending to smile for her. Tomorrow we're supposed to have friends here (who just tested negative), we will do presents in the morning. And I know so many have it worse than me. But tonight, sitting on the sofa, after looking forward to this holiday year, I'm just eelsly heartbroken. Thanks for listening. Today has been brought to you by the motto "I am doing my best."