"you're so brave"

It's scientifically prove that positive reinforcement is a good way to act with people. I think people intuitively know this, so there default response is positive. Inherently they can't understand you however, because being trans is so subjective and vague, heck, I've tried very hard to understand what underlying forces lead me to being trans, and I've found that being trans is even more unreasonable than dis/liking various foods. So maybe you could even say it's a careful response, because people are unopinionated and are subconsciously afraid of bringing anything negative, in case it backfires, asthey can't understand what the outcome may be.

Either way, I think it's important to conceptualize which direction the motivation is coming from. You are fundamentally miserable to some degree, I say that technically but I don't want to give that word much power rhetorically. What I mean is, you that you act at all, so for example. You eat food, why? Because you're hungry. You find partners, why? Because you're lonely. You try to better yourself, why? Because you're afraid of how others may see you. So what we've learned is that being human is to be afraid, lonely and hungry. Maybe not true if you have food and a partner and are a well achieved person, but you exist in a constant threat of returning to your default state of not having any of those things. It's why you act at all, because you want some end goal and that you're not happy with where you're at now.

So to be trans. Would you potentially be happy with where you're at now, but you idolize somewhere you can get and fight for, which draws you to move, or are you being chased by the fear of having to live with whatever it is you dislike about yourself? For me the fear comes from behind, and it's not bravery, it's utter terror, and the thought of me having to suffer now as I am is compelling me to run away and towards the HRT patches I take. Nothing brave about being incontrollably moved by my fears and ugliness.

/r/asktransgender Thread