It's a very hard thing for me right now.
I don't exactly have too many people in my life. I have 3-4 good friends but that's really it, and I hate socializing... I'm just not a people person and I get really anxious, but if I try I am fairly good at forming relationships with people.
My girlfriend is someone who I had feelings for an entire year nd then began dating her. I know she was in a dark, dark spot when I first met her (self harm, suicidal, completely isolated, etc). I knew I couldn't 'save' her, but I wanted to be there for her.
The part that gets me is this: 95% of time, she makes me very, very happy. We spend most of our free time together (she was very clingy at first, but she has definitely improved in regards to that) and it is usually fantastic.
However, she seems to have 5-6 blowups per week now. It used to be many small ones, but now it's almost every day she just loses herself. This is basically how the last, and worst fight went. (texting)
Me: Sorry, I tried to print the stuff for you but the printer stopped working! I can get them to you tomorrow evening.
Her: lol seriously? you didn't even tell me? what the fuck is wrong with you? you said you would treat me better - etc etc etc
This is where I have learned to try and defuse the situation.
Me: I'm sorry! I did my best but I can't do it if my printer isn't cooperating. I can get them to you ASAP though, I know you want them!
She used to often calm down, but not anymore.
Her: No fuck you. I'm not dating you anymore. Why would I? You're the worst boyfriend ever, etc etc etc.
This is where my pride kicks in and my thought process of "help her, I know she doesn't hate me" becomes "don't be a fucking pushover". Last night I went off the rails. I totally attacked her verbally. Not anything too personal, just the basic fuck this, fuck that, etc.
She always replies with "lol asshole" or "hahaha see you're so mean to me", perpetual victimhood I suppose.
I don't know what to do. I have talked to my mom about this because she's the only one I could think to go to and I have always said I would never let the relationship hurt me mentally. I think it kind of is, but I feel so bad abandoning this girl.
I want to help her so bad. I have expressed to her that she is emotionally abusive and she just replies with "you're physically abusive", which is according to her that sometimes when she's freaking out I will hold her and try to calm her down, which works if she lets me do it.
Really don't know where to go. I just wish I could understand this. I'm also very scared to be alone she has been my best friend for over a year and girlfriend for a little less.