Oh sweetheart, my heart aches for you.
I’m also a 20F, and I have been pregnant unexpectedly as well. However, I elected to use my freedom of choice. Not that I’m persuading you to do so, I just want to give you a bit of background.
First of all, if you are continuing the pregnancy, get on a prenatal. Pronto. Make sure it’s a good source of folic acid. Second, I know it’s hard, but relax. Trust me, I KNOW it’s hard, but relax. Stress can be harmful, but it’s usually major sudden stress that causes what you’re fearing. I was stressed out MAJORLY, trying to decide what to do, and after all that stress and no prenatal vitamins, the pregnancy was fine and normal at 11 weeks (time of termination). Why so long when I knew at 4 weeks? Because I was financially struggling as well, and needed time to get the money
Now, sweet friend, because I feel like I know you, I know you are tired and it’s hard, but keep fighting. You can do it, I believe in you. I would try and find full time employment pronto, which I know is easier said than done. It’s going to be hard, I know, I was miserably sick. But it’s the only way to get ahead. I know you feel like you’re drowning, but just know you are not alone and there are many women who go through the same or experience similar situations.
I feel like this turned more into a pep talk than advice, so I’m sorry. But just know that you can do it and I believe in you. Make yourself little mile-markers by creating goals and reward yourself when you reach them. Also, express how you’re feeling to your fiancée. Communication is key to any relationship.
I wish you the best OP,
All my love. xoxo