The drinking is a complex issue. I understand the severity of it. It's not excessive, not to excuse him. I'm not seeking to change him, but give him the opportunity to leave bad habits behind, it's up to him to act.

"Does this mean that when he fails to not drink with you around, it will be your fault, too?"

He's never tried to insinuate I am at fault for his drinking, ever. I can see that he's using me not being there to do it. I feel as though he would stop the drinking with me. If he does not, I will not accept being at fault - it's not as if I have not tried to help him. I will probably seek outside/professional help if it becomes an issue.

He cannot exercise because of his back pain. However that is something I will suggest when it gets better; we have tried it but he was in too much pain. He has been making an effort, he saw sense and signed up to the counselling initially. I'd suggested it but didn't know until after he'd done it. He is trying very hard - if it seemed like he isn't, I must have lacked to explain so - and I am trying to support him. I know I am not his mother, I am not trying to be.

I just want to give him a safe, and loving space in which he can have the confidence in himself to start a journey of healing. He has been trying, but has been struggling alone.

Thank you for your input.