A few years ago, a woman I knew claimed I had hit on her. Here's the story in 5 points:
I was married at the time (very happily, mind you!)
The woman who claimed this - her husband was one of my best friends.
This woman and I, we had made out once. I had broken up with my girlfriend at the time just a few days earlier, had gotten very drunk and I somehow ended up making out with this lady.
After that encounter I told her I'm not keen on anything with her, that I felt uneasy. She tried to make me feel guilty but then wrote me an email accepting that she was a jerk. I mean, I couldn't give consent when we hooked up... So I don't think I was trying to mislead her. We were with a group of friends, and I don't remember how she and I ended up kissing. We were in our 20s then, and I just chalked it all up to me drinking too much (yes I blamed myself...)
I only ever saw her once again one-on-one because my friend requested that someone hang out with her - she had become alienated from everyone because she was going through a difficult time.
So I got screwed over, I got worried that I would lose everything I love - namely, my wife. It was a disgusting allegation that I had sleazed on a woman who was in a tough spot, married to my good friend .. While I was married.
Some "friends" believed her despite all the evidence that indicated she was weirdly obsessed with me.
Every single day it affects me. I talk to a therapist , we're working on it - but it shattered my view that I was a good judge of character
But what feels best is just ignoring them. They show up sometimes at weddings or large birthdays of mutual friends. I ignore them fully, so does my wife - my wife has had my back since day 1 (it actually made us stronger! She laughed at the claims, because she knew this woman was nuts and behaved weirdly that one time we met ... Told the wife everything, as I always do!)
I just ignore them though it hurts because I lost a close friend and I lost so much dignity within myself. I rethink everything I say and do with friends sometimes and then tell them I'm sorry - I'm sorry I held back, it's because I feel like they will misunderstand me, that they will misread me. My real friends - and there's a big group - have my back.
I'm sorry, this is not the most relevant story, but I wanted to share because I want to tell you: to forgive and forget are different. I forgive because I want to be done with this. I forgive because I know they were and still are in a bad place. I forgive because I want them to eventually mean nothing to me.
But I will never forget. It hurts now. It will hurt later. Because I cared about these friends ... I never thought they'd betray me like this, that they'd ascribe such filthy actions to me. That they'd try to ruin my marriage!!
So I will forgive them because I know it's healthy. But they are strangers who I don't like. I won't ever forget their behavior.
Perhaps some will say I'm too theatric. I just want to protect myself. And I want to protect my friendships and my marriage. So I won't forget what these people tried to do to me. So when I see them I walk past. Just a few weeks back, at a wedding one former friend tried to apologize and I said "no problem, thanks so much for understanding" and I walked away.
I didn't get joy from this. I just was protecting myself, and that's all I can do. I've forgiven him, but I won't forget and that means he doesn't get to give me a hug, drink a beer with me and dance to 8s music make fun of that jerk algebra teacher we had, reminisce about that awesome trip to Austin we took in college....