I was once feeling like you are now, and I found an unlikely source of income in the form of writing short form erotica. Is it what I imagined myself doing? Not at all. But I enjoy it and I think that it saved me. If you aren't too prideful to write what is basically pornography, you can earn a living and more. And you can do it from home. I won't push it on you because I know it isn't for everyone. Some are morally against it, and some just don't want to do it. But your story spoke to me and I thought I might mention it to you. Since you say you like writing, I really encourage you to try it. If you'd like more information about it you can reply or PM me. I don't reach out to people often on here, but

When I began, I was depressed and overworked because I could hardly afford myself. In addition I was trying to go to college for something I didn't really love. I was standing on a line between many decisions and didn't know which way to go. I felt like I had no options. I felt pressured into certain things. And most of all I felt like my life was a never-ending game of "catch up" - financially and otherwise. I thought of suicide often.

I make income on the side in the form of web development, and I highly encourage you to look into that field as well. If you've never done anything with websites I highly encourage you to give it a shot. Too often, people underestimate what they are able to do and overestimate how much "programming" it really takes to make a basic, static webpage.

I think the writing erotica is unique, though, because it's possible to begin doing it right this second. Since you say you have experience with graphic design I presume you would be able to design book covers easily. And because you can do it from home at your convenience, it would be easy to begin doing this while working your regular job. Depending on the market you sell on, it can take a few months to begin receiving your first royalties. So while it is not an immediate fix, it can be a fix - if you want it to be.

That's all I'll say right now, because I don't want to sound pushy or salesman-y. I have nothing to gain from telling you about writing erotica. Most of the time I don't tell people at all, in fact I think you are the first person. You seem like you're unhappy and very stuck, and I know how that is. So I'm just passing this option along the way it was passed to me. I myself was skeptical of the field when I first entered and was sure that there had to be some sort of catch.) It could help you tremendously. Once again feel free to ask questions but I won't badger you about it further unless you ask me to.

Lastly, don't kill yourself. There is a way out of this mess, and even if there wasn't a way out I still wouldn't want you to end your life over it. I've been there and know how pointless and hopeless it can seem. I'm not lying to you, it is not hopeless. The way you are feeling is fleeting, do not make a permanent decision based on it. I am 22. I thought my life was over at 19. My parents were abusive monsters, I am estranged from my entire family except a brother and a cousin. At the time I was earning $12-15k per year and could barely afford gas in my car and food. So when I tell you that you can get out of this, I speak from experience. No bullshit. You are only 26. It would be such a fucking waste, I swear it would.