Sadly the only two people I've ever considered my friends ended up taking their lives from depression. I've been completely alone since 2015 when the second person died. But even then I always struggled to get times to meet the my friends even though I'd bend over backwards just to see them. I think the terrible hours and stressful jobs people have in modern times plays a huge part in it. I've tried to make other friends since my second friends death after the shock that not 1 but 2 of my friends died from suicide wore off but yeah it seems like the best I can do is an acquaintance and I get ghosted all the time probably because I'm looking for a friendship that people don't want to put the time and effort in to give me. I've blamed my looks, I've blamed my personality, I've blamed my mental health issues but maybe this is just how people are because I've improved my looks over the years, I rarely talk about how messed up I feel mentally in person, and when I talk to people online they're always complementing my personality. Sadly I have no family at all since they were abusive but I've learned to cope with being completely alone in person by talking to my friends online. They may be far away but they're still my friends. I play on PC with them, we mostly play vrchat or talk in our discord server. I hope one day I'll have friends in person but for now I have great friends online.