Hi OP,

First of all, I agree with everyone else: sex and couples counseling or its ultimatum time, it seems like you're not compatible.

But just to give you a different perspective, you are being incredibly self-absorbed with your sexual needs. Re-read your entire post. You start off saying "I tried not to nag him about it" but in the past 18 months you went from PTSD no sex, to questioning his performance in bed (!), sticking porn into intimate moments between you two (!?) his sexuality (!!??), and the terms of the relationship (!!!???). You openly SOB AND CRY to him about the lack of sex.

Like seriously? No wonder why your husband hasn't gotten over his depression and anxiety yet! Remember, he went into caring for your PTSD with the understanding that there was no clear end in sight. It could have been 6 months. It could have been 6 years. Just because you were aware when YOU sorted yourself out, doesn't mean you have any idea of how he dealt with the situation of his partner. And now you're over it and this is what he's met with.

So here's the thing. It seems like for you, sex and love are inextricably linked. But the way that you write, it seems like everything revolves around sex. No sex = no love. But maybe he thinks differently. Maybe he thinks sex is the result of love and romance. In all the gestures you say that you've done, it seems like you've tried to make him feel horny, but not necessarily loved or romanced. And honestly after a point, given your increasing desperation, that would make me feel like a boy-toy rather than a significant other. It would belittle me.

There is no way that you aren't actively causing him to regress in his mental health treatment.

So here's the thing; you both look like you're in a place where you'd be happier apart. So you either solve it together (none of this pressuring your husband to do anything that you're good at doing). Or you consider separation. Good luck OP.