I (37F) have not always been a good wife to my husband (39M) of 11 years, I recently realized this and have been making efforts to change, I do love him but I feel like he's done, What do I do?

I don't really agree that your posts have been negative or bitchy here, but he is right about the trust. You've taught him not to trust you to have his wellbeing in mind for years and years. It will be a long process before he really trusts you emotionally again. He might trust you financially or with his children or plenty of other things, but he won't trust you with his emotions or self esteem or anything of the sort for a long time. The bad news is that, other than consistency, there is nothing you can do to short circuit the process.

The good news is that it probably won't take anywhere near as long as it took to get where you are now. I'd say right now he is waiting for the other shoe to drop - when are you going to drop whatever bomb you are hiding or revert back to your normal ways? Soon be will be (very) cautiously hopeful, that maybe things will change, but he won't be anywhere near convinced. Not too long from now he will be enthusiastic in trying to do his part to maintain this change. A word of caution: he will still be deeply hurt at this point, so don't let your vigilance go. You need to be utterly consistent in your application of your new attitude. It will probably be 6 months to a year before he really lets himself start believing the change is for real and permanent.

So the above is just a general statement of course, ymmv, but I think it is a decent guide. You don't have to be his slave, you don't have to cater to his every whim, but you DO have to let every little thing go. Before anything becomes an issue, ask yourself if it's really something that should bother you. Ask yourself if he did anything wrong. Ask yourself if it is worth causing stress top either of you about. If no, you just have to drop it, or this will never work. Good luck, and good on you for trying.

Source: lots of parallels in my life to his situation, including this change.

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