Dear OP,

I'm a single woman in my early 30s, and I would usually advise people who are in happy, loving relationships but have commitment issues that the grass is not greener on the other side, that finding a good partner is difficult, and that any relationship needs work to grow to its full potential. However, I don't think this advice applies to you in this case. There are two caveats: 1) you're still very young, 2) the relationship doesn't seem to be what you're looking for. This advice is usually directed towards people who are craving for "variety" after the passion and honeymoon phase of their relationship is over. However, in your case, it doesn't seem like there ever was such a phase.

What you should do depends on what you're looking for. There are people who think of marriage as a business partnership, others who absolutely need a deep emotional connection, etc. From your description of your relationship and your dissatisfaction towards it, it does appear to me that you're looking for a deeper emotional connection than what this relationship is providing you. You would need more experience to be able to say what kind of relationship would be the right one for you.

This doesn't really surprise me considering your age. While some people go through difficult teenage heartaches, others only get real relationship experiences in their early twenties or later. I didn't know the difference between love, lust or infatuation at your age. In fact, I only knew what real love was at around age 24 when I met the right person. I didn't know what loving someone despite their flaws (instead of wanting them because of all their desirable qualities), being vulnerable, and wanting to spend the rest of my life with the same person was. Now, I cannot go back: I can't imagine settling for a relationship without love. Neither do I want to be continually exploring: once I've found someone that I love enough, I'm ready to commit. I'm not interested in checking if there are others out there.

You deserve to have an opportunity to explore different kinds of relationships, to be happy and to live your life fully. 20 is too young to settle down when you still have no idea what you want in life. Your girlfriend also deserves to be with someone who is fully committed to her. It sounds like she might also need more experiences of her own, and might not know what she wants either.

Of course, there is a risk in breakup up. You might end up alone or never finding anything better or as good as this. Anything worth doing in life is risky. You have to ask yourself if this is worth the risk. It does seem to me that you would just be settling. And it wouldn't be too hard to find another relationship to settle for. Also, given that both of you are very young and will continue to evolve individually, it is possible that you would eventually grow apart as you each figure out who you are and what you want in your lives. If you do decide to break up with her, I suggest to do it as amicably as possible, remain in touch, and tell her you aren't closed to the possibility of getting back together in the future but that right now you need some time to figure some things out.

tl;dr: Both of you are probably not ready to settle down, and might benefit from more relationship experiences. If you decide to break up, do it amicably and don't close the door to getting back together in the future.