As someone with 9 uncles, and a brother, I think it’s pretty common for men to spend more time with their wife’s family than their own. Have you ever heard the saying, A daughter is a daughter all of her life. A son is a son until he takes a wife? There is a reason that’s a saying! Out of my 9 married uncles, only one of them spends more time with my mom’s family than his wife’s family, and it’s probably because his wife doesn’t get along with her mom. I’ve always made a point of splitting holidays and equal time with my in laws because I know how hurtful it is for my mom and I not to be included in my brother’s life as much as his in laws.

Your SIL may as well be mine, including the vacations with her family! And my mom and I have went out of our way to be kind, loving and respectful. We’ve never offered advice on her marriage or how she raised her child. She’s just never been interested in being close to our family, and because my brother loves her and wants to keep his family intact, he goes along to get along. Now they live 30 hours away and the promise she made my brother about getting a cc to fly out once a year, has happened 4 times in 8 years! She tells him they can’t afford for him to fly out.

The best advice I can give is don’t ever bring this up to your brother. He’s in an impossible position. Appreciate the time you do spend with your brother. Always treat his wife with kindness, find the good in your SIL so your hurt feelings don’t turn to anger and resentment towards her, try to be happy that your brother is happy with the family he’s created, and realize that ultimately, both of our brothers do have free will. It isn’t all the SIL’s fault that our brothers either don’t value and appreciate their family of origin, and/or they don’t have a backbone!

On the days when I feel really sad about rarely seeing my brother, I take solace in the fact that my SIL has one child who is a son, and someday she will probably know exactly how it is to walk in mine and my mom’s shoes.