He does it with men too, and he akcnolwedges there's a competitive aspect to that, related to insecurity.

He used to not do it much with me, it's increased for some reason, hence why I started pushing back.

When he's holding forth and debating and telling people 'how it is' he claims he's just discussing, just sharing ideas and information, it's just a robust discussion, just being direct etc etc which is one reason I think I should be able to be honest and direct back - like I am just giving you the information about a past discussion that we've had. So it feels like directness and just 'saying what I know/think' is fine when he dishes it but not when he recieves it.

As to neurodivergence, I think it's a factor, see here. But again if that's the reason I feel like I have to have some constructive way to say ok cool, but I have in fact said xyz or we spoke about that. I can accept him not remembering if he acknowledges that actually he forgot that.