NAH. You aren't an asshole for considering his wifes grief, he isn't an asshole for wanting sexual intimacy. I (F) have experienced this first hand, my partner (M) lost his interest in having sex after the death of his mother. Before that, we had a fun and regular sex life. It has been over 5 years and it has not come back. I spent the first year, accepting that this was part of the grieving process and there was absolutely no pressure to be intimate. The second year, I tested the waters and instigated, this worked, but it was not fruitfully reciprocated, I had to instigate or else it didnt happen and then when I stopped instigating because I felt a little disheartened, it never happened. I fell in to a very strained and frustrated place where I couldnt express my sexual desires with my love but they were burning inside. Year three, I have become exasperated with the lack of sexual intimacy, I have tried to bury it but it is pressing at all times and I make it clear something has to change, because I was losing myself. Year four, I have now developed deep coping mechanisms and don't expect sex in my relationship anymore, I have convinced myself that I can cope without it as we utterly love one another. Year five, I have a break down because I am against my will, yearning for the intimacy elsewhere, which breaks my heart. I have also developed guilty and painful associations with intimacy and now see that part of myself as something to be ashamed of.

I spoke with my partner throughout, openly, frankly, emotionally. But he hasn't been able to meet me. He is now getting therapy, finally. And I will likely need some too to be able to see him as my sexual partner again and feel comfortable in wanting to have sex, without feeling ashamed.

My point, yes give it time, but recognise if it is starting to have a genuinely detrimental effect on your friend. I knew I was in pain.. for years, but I buried it out of love for my partner, reasoned with it and when you compare your desire for sex with the grief of someone dying, you soon start to feel like a monster. Don't let that happen to your friend, it is heartbreaking.