Okay, so I only read the first two pages. Obviously, this is subjective feedback, so take them with a grain of salt.

1. (Title Page) I would change the title to a different font to give it more character.
2. (Page 1) “DARKNESS— WIND. AND GROWLING” Doesn’t add much, but if anything I would reformate it to “Darkness… wind… growling…” and have it on one line, no caps, and below the title
3. (Page 1) I would bold the slug lines, but that’s just me.
4. (Page 1) “Unknown POV”. I would take that out. As the writer, you gotta make it as clear as possible what’s going on— saying ‘unknown’ just confused me as a reader.
5. (Page 1) I don’t like the image of a 13-year old girl smoking, but that’s just me. Have her doing something innocent, like learning how to play the guitar or something.
   
6. (Page 1) Overall, and sorry to be overly critical, but I think the first page needs a lot of work— 1) its too descriptive and 2) hard to read. Think about word economy and how much every sentence counts. I feel like a lot of descriptions could be taken out without impacting the story or my overal image.

** A cropped tree with unlit Christmas lights wrapped around it** ** Any other sign of civilization is invisible** (unfilmable) ** Sara turns for a few seconds** ** She rolls her eyes and takes a drag, then exhales** (Note: Her reaction is the same reaction your audience is going to have— if she’s shocked, the audience will be too. If she’s neutral or ‘sighing’ that’s what I’m going to feel watching it. Also, a lot of people exhale in this lol)

*RYAN, 8, skinny and too small for his age with kind and observant eyes, presses his ear against the wall, hiding from the kitchen light. *

You’re throwing too much information at the reader where it’s making it hard to read. In this sentence you’re trying to a) give his name b) his age c) his height d) the fact that he has kind and observant eyes (which doesn’t add anything) e) his action and f) his discreteness

RYAN, 8, presses his ear against the wall, hiding himself from the kitchen’s light.

The fact that he’s ‘too small for his age with kind and observant eyes’ doesn’t really add much to anything, especially the latter part.

Ryan EXHALES and gets away from the wall. He heads for the stairs, tip-toeing barefoot on his way up.

Again, a little wordy. Does he need to exhale? Does exhale have to be capitalized? ‘Gets away from the wall’.

GOOD: * A whiskey bottle hitting a wall. * Brother spying on her sister, which wasn’t mentiond, but that’s a thought. * ‘His drawings acting as wallpaper’ - good * DRAMA: I was specifically looking for something to happen on the second page, and something did, so good job.

Overall, seems like the start of a good story! Thanks for letting me read it. Good luck!