Hi OP, I'm (24M, so not the feminine perspective you're asking for lol) in a similar situation, especially for bullets 1-4, and 6-8 (including ADHD). Not an artist or trying to date more than 3 years up or down, but generally very similar. With 6, it will take me weeks to do anything beyond hug/fist bump which is a turn off for most. I've never connected with anyone through OLD and have stopped caring about dating so I can focus on my graduate degree. I haven't given up but I don't want to date in my field/program and am not really in a position to look outside of it.

What you're looking for is pretty hard to find but not impossible. If you have a genuine connection with someone a lot of those things should materialize (or be less important). It's a hard place to be in but people like that do exist. They just hide pretty well from the dating scene when single because 1) they have fulfilling lives without an SO or 2) they have bad anxiety. Both can happen too. I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom but that's my experience (though I didn't have as much experience). You'll find someone, they just may not be what you expect.

The ADHD will probably make it hard to sustain interest unless everything is perfect and even then it can be tough because of other mental health issues. It's easy to focus on your own problems and ignore the good around you but if you can separate your real feelings from the diversions of ADHD and depression it may help keep you on the right track

These aren't mythical unicorns but definitely hard to find because you want the best for you and the other person and it's not going to be easy to make that situation. Best of luck!