So, I don’t know it this ties in it all, but I feel like it might.

So many straight girls that I’ve been with wanted some form of “violence” in the bedroom. Whether that was slapping them, choking them, spitting, or even just calling them names. I’m not at all into that whatsoever, so when those things are suddenly asked of me it kind of takes me out of the moment, mostly because it’s so readily expected of me.

Now that I live with my (straight) female best friend, we get to talking, and she’s into that sort of thing, so I asked, why?

And the answer confused me. She’s like “ok, so If I had a paddle in the bedroom, and one of me or my lover is tied down, and we take the paddle and hold it up as if we’re going to hit them, but then we just do it gently. So it’s like you could hurt them, but you don’t.”

I do not understand what is so intimate about that. You’re putting yourself into a position of vulnerability, and then you’re like “oh he COULD hurt me... that’s so hot.” How? She explained “it’s the mercy of it.” But if the mercy is hot, doesn’t that imply that he would “want” to hit you otherwise? Like I’m just so fucking confused. I’m not trying to kink shame, if you like pain, you like pain, I just don’t get it and would like to understand why.

Is this not a sign of some kind of abuse? Like... someone’s used to being hit so the fact that someone gives them mercy is a turn on? Like, the last thing I would think of as a hot action would be to hit my partner in the bedroom. I’d just feel bad. I’ve legit stopped mid-thrust to apologize when a girl squealed extra loud after I smacked her ass just so I could apologize.