I am sure it is, so i am sorry to not acknowledge that. It was something i just dismissed when you wrote that you didnt even want to be friends with them anymore, it just made me leap to assuming the refusal to change tags was a vindictive one.

It is a painful realization for couples past and present. I look back at my many relationships myself and they feel like lies now even though the feelings were there. I feel like i was never known and the flipside of course is that my girlfriends were dating someone who wasnt real.

I am glad you understand the pronouns issue. It's just.. like when you assert "to me she was always male" it is like outright denying who she is. At least it feels that way to me. It may be how you knew her but she has basically come out and said that wasnt me. This is me. So in a very real way, what other choice is there but to accept, or not?

I do really think respecting her transiton and changing name and pronouns is one of the first things. There's nothing to really argue about there. Her deadname shouldnt be anywhere there are mutual friends and that is like the basest most common courtesy you can give, simply respecting their name and pronouns