I'm 43. Wife was frightened and intimidated by my identity.

>not been willing to budge her position

Not quite sure what this means, but your person is not something she should have veto power over. Hopefully the "position" is just that she sees herself as straight and has trouble accepting you, not that she is presenting this as a position in the sense of negotiation.

>doesn’t make her less of a woman for being attracted to / loving someone like me

Not my business, sister, but I doubt that's an issue. The issue would be that she's straight and not interested. If a gay guy told a straight guy "You are no less a man for loving me", I doubt that would seal the deal.

I'm rooting for you though. I like painting nails together too.