Thank you everyone for your input, advice, and re-assurance. I really appreciate it and it made me feel better to just vent and read other bride's perspectives. I really do see both sides to the equation, I truly do. I can't assume everyone follows the same etiquette rules as me, etc. I also have to remember that other's relationships matter too. But at the end of the day, she knew that I wanted a smaller wedding (she firsthand knows the extent of my anxiety. I don't do well with crowds at all. But I still wanted a wedding. So this was a way of having everyone there, but still keeping the number's low), she's heard me say out loud that I wasn't including +1's., and she clearly saw how it was addressed. I think if your name is the only one on the envelope that it's a huge clue that you are the only one invited!

I would have been willing to hear her out, if she had at least asked me and if she didn't try to guilt/bully me into just letting her bring him. I especially didn't like her bringing up the bridal appointments she went with me to as a way to make me feel bad. She was there with me because my parent's both passed away and all of the wedding errands have been a little difficult for me. Other close friends have also gone with me (who have also not been invited with plus 1's. but were fine with it despite me never specifically telling them such).

I also just plain don't like him, at all, which she knows to an extent. But I didn't want to outright tell her that, and make her feel even worse.

Basically, my fiancé doesn't think I should include her at all. But I don't want to go that far. We've been friends since High School (even though we did have a falling out before. In college she started dating my ex. She asked me if I was ok with it, and I said not really. That I'd feel uncomfortable since we're in the same circles and it would hurt my feelings. She did it anyway. Why ask me then?) We still do need to know if she is coming or not, and I want to truly make sure she doesn't bring him. I know it won't matter at the end of the day, but it'll just bother me and remind me of all of this.

Our head count is due this week, and I haven't heard from her in over a week. Here is what I wrote:

"Well. I haven't heard from you in a few days. I don't know what else you want me to say. It's really sad that you won't even talk to me. Not sad as in your sad, but sad in general. This isn't personal. I understand that it's an awkward situation. Obviously if I had known this was going to happen, I would have told you specifically months ago to avoid all of this. And to avoid any potential hurt feelings. I'm not trying to come off as harsh, but I don't think this is very fair to me at all. I shouldn't have to worry about this right now. (My fiancé) and I made this decision together and absolutely no one else is giving us a problem. I'm anxious enough as it is, and this isn't helping. And to be completely honest, (my fiancé) is really angry. So I would hope that you'd still be there that day and respect our decision despite not agreeing with me. I don't want this turning into something bigger than it needs to be. I think it just needs to be an agree to disagree situation and leave it at that. Because obviously I'd just like to enjoy my day with my friends, esp. you"

She replied right away this time: "I don't want you to say anything else, you were perfectly clear. And I am not ignoring you I'm busy and just really didn't have anything else to say. Just forget I ever said anything at all."

I mean, I'd like to just take it for what it is. She said forget it etc. And it's also via text (I tend to avoid phones because they make me panic) and can be up for interpretation. But this. This is just her continuing to be angry. Continuing to make me feel worse. Not even giving me any indication if she's still going or not. This girl is constantly busy, but would text me every morning and every night. She's not busy. I can understand her not knowing what to say, but this just angered me even more. I know that it's not all about me, and my fiancé, but on a level it is. We of course want our friends and family to be comfortable and have fun, but the key words are friends and family. He is neither.

So basically I'm just going to leave it be. Let her be angry. And go about my planning. If she doesn't show up and I'm out that money. So be it, that's on her. If she comes, I'll be cordial and happy she's there. But I'm pretty over it. Agree or not, you don't fight a grown adult to bring someone to a party. You're either allowed to bring someone or not. End of story. She did this to another friend, they told her no and she was fine with it. She's not giving me the same courtesy because she didn't think I'd put my foot down. This kind of clouded my opinion of her, and more than likely I will not go out of my way to see her post-wedding. Which is sad, but I don't have time for any of this. I don't have time for people who make me feel bad.

It felt really good to get that out.