It took 250,000 years of hominid evolution to make you. Technically, you are the winning sperm and the random ovum the sheer stats behind that (out of all of the sperm in your Dad's load, you got to the egg first! You! Technically half of you, but whatever) means you've already won the lottery.

Sorry- studied molecular bio and college and was raised by paleontologists. But! I'm also a huge slut for Sartre and Camus and Camus as this book called the myth of Sisyphus which ultimately makes the analogy that mans search for meaning is ultimately futile and just like Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill to have it only roll back down again- absurd.

But I say- Sisyphus is! That Sisyphus exists at all is triumph itself. And from that point of view I've kind of created my own value system.

I live firstly out of curiosity, secondly out of empathy, and thirdly out of selfishness. Or vice. Or non-traditional hedonism. Some people get their meaning from being parents or girlfriends, but I am too selfish to have kids I've realized. I like power, but ultimately learning and curiosity are what make me happiest and to understand the universe itself is more than enough for me. Sex, music, sleeping in on Saturdays, travel, animals etc. are all the the happy vices in my life.

But yeah, no, I'm totally on antidepressants. Brain chemistry defeats even the most logical proof. So maybe experiment with nutrition and exercise-

And goals and having things to look forward too- I'm looking forward to selling all my stuff in June and moving to seattle. Looking forward to learning python and matlab. Looking forward to having sex and Thai food on Friday.

Also, read fight club. Good book.