I wouldn't even say it's our goal. It's just that in some cases it was very hard to have, well, anything after.

In one case we spent a year and a half compromising and trying to "talk things out", because we believed that if you cared about each other and were good to each other then you should be together, but there was a lot else that was wrong that made it so, so painful for us.

They couldn't stand my orientation and the way I argue, and I hated how much of the initiative fell on me and never felt we connected on a mental level. Just an emotional one that was sweet and had brought us together, but wasn't the kind of companionship I wanted when were were thinking in lifelong terms. Our sex life eventually crumbled because they were so passive and I just wasn't feeling the heat, and that made us unhappier. All the fucking compromise and trying to fix things made us unhappier, and caused us to blame ourselves and feel insecure about our flaws.

By the time we finally walked away there was a lot of bad feelings involved. I was their first everything and they'd really put themselves out there to trust in the first place. I'd spent months hating myself for wanting to be anywhere and with anyone but them.

We tried the friends things for a couple of weeks, but I felt like they were pushing to prove that things could be different still and that wasn't healthy. Since then we've had a couple of conversations and don't hold anything against each other, but I think that bridge just burned down in the process of trying to save it in the first place.

There was always something, and I've never regretted letting it go. A couple of them had been cheaters or highly manipulative, which isn't a good thing to have around in general. One just realized she was still in love with her ex and didn't feel it was fair to be dating me after all, but at 16 she didn't know how to say it and avoided me for awhile. Then she left for culinary school on the other side of the country. Etc.