50 something days clean out of last 70. Let me explain. Those 50 days. I had fun. People went out of their way for me bc I was doing the right thing. I didn't wake up sick. Looked healthy. My bf loved me absolutely was so thrilled with me so so proud. got us a vacation.

But there's something called ANHEDONIA. It's real. Inability to feel happiness. Man it made me feel guilty! I kept saying I'm happy I am but I just feel dead. I should be happier look at all these nice things people are doing for me look at this beauty around me. That guilt led me back I figured if I'm not happy sober then...

And what drove me to rehab partially was how YOU are feeling now! That inability to find relief. It's painful man. It's all painful.

All I can say is it will eventually drive you to change. And then all I gotta say is... anhedonia is better than any day high. After being sober my biggest regret is trying to find happiness in the same shit that drove me to the brink.

Maybe that's your conscience telling you it's time.