I understand how you feel. It is frustrating when people tell you to just stay positive and expect you to brush it off. I think it is hard for people to truly understand the emotion toll epilepsy takes on you, especially soon after a seizure. I become pretty scared and anxious myself, depressed. Just a few days ago I ended up in the hospital after having a tonic clonic while riding my bicycle home from work. Now i have flashes of waking up in the ambulance confused that i have to try and not play back in my head. It is very hard to control your emotions after an episode and personally it is better for me to let those emotions out then try to bury them inside of me. I hope you are able to find peace and happiness soon, and a way to control your epilepsy.