I’m a male aspie here. I’m surprised to see this post, because I thought most autistic people were blue pill. I have had a really sore time dating, and I hope I can get some useful advice. Usually I talk to males about this stuff, but I’ve never seen rp women before, so I thought I’d introduce myself. I’m sorry that my post is so long.

I’m going to explain first how I think I’m different from most people (apart form being autistic). I think most normal people have a part of their brain which tells them how to interact with people of their own gender, and a different part which tells them how to relate with the other sex. I think I’m completely missing the part which tells me how to deal with women. I’m not visually aroused. I think porn is boring and I’ve never had sexual thoughts about a woman that I just met. But I’m definitely heterosexual. I do get aroused when I feel emotionally connected to a pretty woman (but most women are stupid and mean, so I often go months at a time without feeling aroused). I don’t understand flirting and I think it’s annoying. Unless I use some technique which somebody else explicitly describes to me (like PUA) then I have no idea how to flirt. And when I follow the technique, I feel like a fake clown, I don’t enjoy the interaction, and I feel no attraction to the woman that I’ve seduced. I wasn’t able to get an erection the first time I seduced a woman using PUA. I tried mixing my own personality in with the PUA for several years, but nothing worked. Every deviation from the script got me rejected. But there was no point in following the script, because when it worked, I hated myself, I hated the woman, and I wasn’t able to get an erection (I actually care about love more than sex, but since I wasn’t getting love, I thought I may as well try for sex).

My understanding is that a typical man’s lust is self-driven, but a woman’s lust is derived. What I mean by that is that women feel lustful when they are desired by an attractive man. All the PUA techniques that worked seemed to assume from the outset that the man wants to fuck the girl just because he sees what she looks like, and the girl seems to find that attractive. But I don’t work that way, so there is no way for me to follow through on the act, even if I succeed in seducing the woman.

Also, I have a fairly simple idea of how love works. I want to be treated kindly, and I want to treat others kindly. I think kindness should be repaid with kindness, and evil should be repaid with evil. And I like to think that being kind without expecting anything in return is a virtue. But women (and to some extent people in general) don’t seem to work that way. Most people seem to think that showing kindness is the same as weakness, and honesty is the same as stupidity. But I like those things, so I avoid people mostly. Women in particular seem to be attracted to men who don’t care about them. I don’t want someone like that in my life, so I have been avoiding women for several years. Sometimes I guess my indifference attracts a woman, and I get hit on occasionally. In order to make the woman go away, I pretend to show polite interest in her. This appears to make her bored, and then lose interest quickly and go away. If I succeed in making a woman go away in this manner (which is every time I’ve tried it for the past several years) I hate her intensely. Basically what she is showing me is that she despises me because of the way I feel and express love, and I hate her for it. I am willing to say or do anything, including acting nice to her, in order to get her out of my sight as quickly as possible.

So I had my first crush when I was 15 (I sucked with women pretty bad at that time), I started looking into PUA at 17, and then I experimented with relationships until I was 20. There were some crazy things that happened (like once a woman told me that she loved for the first time and gave me a hand job 3 days before she dumped me: wtf?), but I got lucky once and had a very happy relationship for about a year. But meeting that woman seemed like a miracle, because I have never met another one like her before or since. She is a doctor in Germany, and she says that she’s not ready for a relationship at this time, and probably not for several years (I’m inclined to think that is a bullshit way of dumping me, but maybe she’s being honest). After the age of 20 (I’m 23 right now), I avoided women mostly, but still hoped to find a special woman like the one I had before. Usually my interactions with women were limited to women being attracted to me when I accidentally did rude things to them, and then me making them go away by pretending to like them. So I guess you can imagine that I’m very bitter about this.

What I really want to know is if a woman can fall in love with a man who actually wants to be a kind and affectionate person, and who doesn’t want to bang her as soon as he sees her? Can you fall in love with a man who will never flirt? What about one who is totally incapable of acting like that sociopath that all the women are hot for from 50 shades of gray? I haven’t met any women in the USA in the past 3 years who seem to be like that.

I’m actually going to Russia in a month. I am leaving the USA mostly just to get away from American women. I’m hoping that the culture will make things easier on me, but I’m afraid that I might be fighting biology too. I visited a Russian dating website for about a year, and most of the women act very kind and respectful (a breath of fresh air after living in the USA for 20 years), but none of them really seem to be interested in me. Some of them seem to chat with me out of courtesy. Maybe they are hoping that I will get rich one day and they won’t have to work anymore if they seduce me. There was one woman from Ukraine who appeared to really like me a lot; the last thing she said to me was that she wanted to meet me in person and kiss me, but she hasn’t contacted me for a month. Really, wtf? Why do women do that? It was very hurtful to me that she did that, because she is the first woman who I’ve really opened up to since the girlfriend I had when I was 20. I felt horny every time I talked to her, and I it had been so long since I felt that way that I forgot what it felt like.

BTW, I just graduated with a physics degree, I can do 100 pushups, I have read a quantum mechanics textbook in German, I am an Eagle Scout, and I’m going to Russia to teach English. From what women say, that should make me attractive. But apparently they don’t care. Not surprising really, considering how women are all liars when they say that they want a guy who cares about her feelings, and that they don’t want to just be loved for their pussy.

I guess I’m just venting mostly. But I feel really hurt. I can’t change the way that I experience love, but women seem to despise me for it. They only like me when I pretend to be some kind of sex-crazed asshole. It is hard for me to imagine ever trusting or falling in love with a woman again. I think if there is a compatible woman somewhere, she is probably a red-pill autistic woman. I used to spend some time on wrong planet, but they are all so blue pill that they think realistic discussions on gender are misogynistic. I’ve wanted to be a father since I was 15, but I’ve had so many bitter experiences with women that I’m starting to give up on that dream, and now I’m not sure what to do with myself anymore. I guess I'll start by trying to enjoy myself in Russia. Earning money seems like a good place to start. I’ve never had a full-time job before.