I don't like those either. I have found the most consistent motivator for me is to chase feelings. I've struggled with whether I like that approach or not, and I have tried to pursue Stoicism and values as the ultimate meaning, but the truth is that I'm existential af, and although I have values, doing things purely in service of them feels like a step too far removed. All of those values die at the doorstep of "But why?" and "Who cares?".

I'm coming back around to embracing that different people have different strengths and different parts of themselves that they can key into easier than others. If igniting my desire to feel like a fcking badass is what does it for me then so be it. My morals and values around not being sh"tty to people are strong so I know they don't get sacrificed in service of this. It might have been nice to have taken a more enlightened, frontal-lobe approach, but if it isn't what I do well, or what allows me to light my fire, then so be it.