Why do they have to argue with you when you’re telling them why you’re upset

Borderlines never want to accept responsibility for the damage caused by their emotional irregularity. If they feel the slightest indication that your distress is caused by them, they have to correct it immediately Not by correcting their behavior, but rather by correcting you.

Telling you to calm down in this situation is an example of "crazymaking", when an abuser acts or speaks in a way not relevant to the situation to further disorient the victim and maintain control of the situation as the "good" one.

Example: my mother's BPD fragility was such that I wasn't even allowed to disagree with her when it came to our shared hobbies.

*Me: I loved (actor) in that movie, he was so funny.

BPD: No he wasn't. I thought he was a pig, his jokes are so crass they just disgust me. I don't know why they even cast him.

Me: I think it was a stretch for him as an actor. He usually doesn't play serious roles. I thought he really rose to the occasion.

BPD: No he didn't! He's a disgust pig and he doesn't respect women! If you support men like that, no one will feel sorry if anything happens to you. They'll say "yeah she loves dirty jokes and perverted comedians, she was having a good time!"

Me: that's....not ...what I'm saying? I'm just talking about the movie.

BPD: you're scaring me, Hennessey_Williams, I'm worried. I'm afraid of you and I'm going to call the police.*

(Not exaggerating. Albeit the conversation would be longer in duration before escalating....she would actually act like anyone disagreeing over anything with her was somehow emotionally unstable and a threat to her safety)

/r/raisedbyborderlines Thread