My bpd mom was a child of divorce in a conservative eastern country where divorce was a considered a disgrace on the woman. Lived with unloving and cruel father / stepmom. Was poor and looked down on, treated as less that by her mom’s wealthy family. Likely experienced SA. Nobody ever showed love or care for this woman. My dad was the first man in her life who was kind to her. (Sadly as we know, they take the kindness for weakness and abuse the spouse.)

We immigrated to the US several decades ago. She had a complete mental breakdown. Wasn’t able to go back and while new life was at first financially hard, it got better. But the crippling sense of shame and insecurity, and the giant chip on her shoulder never vanished.

Like you said so perfectly, I too have been so sad for her but more so, so angry that it never occurred to her to reverse the cycle.