Would you hate a younger sibling with those eyes?

I would if they had that look (oh no).

But not for the eyes themselves. You’re right at that!

Part of ending the cycle of abuse is forgiving it's effects on yourself, without forgetting them.

This sounds hard. I tend to go soft after forgivenesses in a "maybe it was me after all and now it’s going to all be better way". Like a person who is longing for harmony everywhere. I’ll cut my mother some slack and the cycle repeats.

On the other hand, how to angering healthily without cultivating hate in the end? Hate only makes me hate myself like this. Maybe that’s what you want to get at too, is it?

How to be kind and believe in my own fundamental goodness while also ignoring the various "needs" and demands of my mother who’s look thereafter will follow happy-me like the eye of Sauron that says "I'm disappointed. It’s your fault. I’ve seen your true nature and it’s despicable."

I can only be kind and good if I’m kind and good to others and am helping, right? Now there’s someone who can seemingly be "saved" by me making some commitments and compromises, yet I choose to ignore. On top of that it’s my own mother to whom I even have a social obligation to look after

I think if I could switch those feeling off towards my mother then I wouldn’t be bothered by her attacks anymore either that anger me so.