The point I'm making is the logic behind women being the victims and men being the perpetrators isn't just caused by sexism but also perpetuated by it.

Feminism looks to abolish the architypes of "women being victims" and "men being the aggressors" because while that is may often be true in domestic violence cases, it's like the concept of a self fulfilling prophecy.

While society imposes the ideas that women have to be meek and men have to be aggressive as kids (the idea that boys should be assertive but girls who are assertive are kind of bitchy etc), it sets us up to fall into that mindset from a young age, and it also sets up systematic ideas of women being primarily weak so that police act on these sexist ideas and may side with women over men in domestic abuse cases because they have always been raised with the ideas that men are intrinsically aggressive, so this man is probably being aggressive.

I think this is where the understanding usually breaks down because feminism at its core is about destigmatising femininity and giving it equal value to masculinity and also not saying that one or the other belongs to men or women.

As a core ideology, most feminists are against domestic violence against men not just because it's horrific and sad but also because ignoring it perpetuates the idea that women are just victims, and being a victim is feminine, and being feminine is bad. If femininity stops being bad, then being a victim is no longer bad, and there is no longer that disparity.

There are always outliers and there are some shitty practices going on. Homosexuality was classed as a mental illness until very recently, shit flies under the radar and its gross but in this situation, because a large percentage of victims of domestic violence are women and that model seems to work to help women, there hasn't been much reform. Luckily I haven't experienced domestic violence as a guy but if you feel passionate about it then you should totally work to create change. It all starts from one person and you seem to have the drive and knowledge to start that chain.