I'm 18. One of the biggest reasons I haven't had a job yet is because I used to be very shy (not so much anymore now though), and I can't drive. I was never pushed very hard to learn, because my mom is a foreigner and not learning how to drive at 16 and living at home well into adulthood is pretty common in her country. We don't have a spare car, and I'm also very nervous on the road. I've practiced several times in empty areas with my parents already, but the thought of navigating the road with other cars makes me very afraid. But I know that I need to learn.

Relying on my parents does make me feel insecure. I feel very independent on the inside, but it isn't reflected on the outside. All of my friends (or at least it seems like all of them) either have their own car or have a job, and I feel a baby around them. The fact that I haven't dated only makes the problem worse. I can't think of a single friendship I've had where I haven't felt some level of shame and embarrassment because they were more technically independent than me. It's all subtle, but believe me - I feel it very much.

My extended family judges me incredibly harshly for not being good enough at life (they were all 'high achievers' back in the 70's when college was much cheaper and easier to get into, despite being miserable now). I feel like everyone looks down on me. Yes, being able to have my own life under control and not having to live at home during college sounds nice. Family dysfunction adds to that, even though I have a strong relationship with my parents on the whole.

And none of that is even mentioning the fact that I don't want to come out while living at home, plain and simple. it would be incredibly awkward. I can't help not wanting to feel horribly indebted to my parents, in case I told them and they had a very negative reaction. They aren't religious, but they've given off clues that they're in the camp of it being a selfish choice. All I want is to be self-sufficient. I don't want to rely on others, but I feel like it's impossible in the world we live in.