White here. I get embarrassed when I find myself pulling the “I’m not a racist card” feeling like I have to defend myself since I grew up where the majority of my family is racist. Defensive can make it seem like you’re trying to hide shit! It makes me feel like I share the same identity since they’re family when I don’t, and feel like I have to be overapologetic when I used to have to apologize for their behavior to my nonwhite friends or anyone they’ve offended and explain to family how they’re being racist. However I will admit stereotypical thoughts pop in my mind, and I’m working on how to undo those provoking thoughts and would like to put the blame on my upbringing too, to an end. I can totally understand how it would make you feel cringey, this is my take on why I’m so quick to defend when I’m trying to work on just not having to. (I’m just a defensive person in general because of GAD lol)

If anyone has had resources that helped them work on this behavior, do you mind sharing so I can be a better ally?