Been there, as well. I tend to be very forthcoming in therapy. And mentioned from the get go that there was a shame filled topic I eventually wanted to discuss but that I was nowhere near, and possibly would not ever get near, to being ready to talk about. My T left it at that. Didn’t push.

After about five months in therapy a closely related topic came up. And for weeks all I could think about was the deeply shame filled topic. I talked to him about this. Shared just enough that he had a small inkling of what the larger picture was.

And, his reaction was exactly what I needed to hear to talk more. He normalized it. He spoke, in generalities, about similar topics he has helped others work through. Some of these were much “less” versions of mine and some were much “more”. And his acceptance of the ones that were much “more” or “worse” gave me the confidence to discuss mine.

It might not be every therapist that does this. Hell, it might not be that my T does this with all of his clients. But, it was what I needed in the moment and he sensed that and gave that.

And, while I can’t say that discussing it has gotten rid of the shame, I can say that it’s not occupying my every thought any longer. And, it makes talking about other things easier. Because he heard my absolute worst thing and accepted it I know he can hear and accept the rest with ease.