The doors to E3 opened wide, and the ground began to shake. A sea of neckbeards flooded into the stadium, hobbling toward the Bethesda conference as fast as their weak, chubby legs would carry them.
Meanwhile, Bruce Wayne, along with his game developers and advisors, observed the anarchy from a conference room. Their eyes were glued to the screen as they watched the camera feed of E3.
“They’re approaching the first booths,” one of the advisors said.
The horde of unwashed basement dwellers stampeded past the Halo 5 advertisements, unfazed by the announcement that the game would now be available for Playstation. The Ubisoft tables proved equally ineffective, despite the unveiling of three simultaneously released Assassin’s Creed games set in Ancient Egypt, Pax Romana, and Feudal Japan, respectively.
“Dammit, Wayne,” one of the advisors said, striking his fist against the table. “That barely even slowed them.”
Wayne did not respond. His gaze remained locked on the screen as the mob stormed past the Last of Us 2 booth.
“Here it is,” one of the game developers said. “This will stop them.”
For a moment, the horde took notice of the sign: “Far Cry: Bioshock.” The conference room held its breath as the crowd realized the potential of an open world shooter set in Rapture. But, to the conference room’s horror, only a few people broke off from the crowd. The flood of neckbeards continued inexorably, toward the Bethesda conference.
“They’re unstoppable!”
“Wait,” Wayne said, holding up a hand. “They haven’t reached my secret weapon yet.”
The anticipation of the neckbeards was as heavy as their bosoms as they drew closer and closer to the Fallout 4 unveiling. Advertisers did everything they could to slow the mob, but nothing worked. Ads for “Lara Croft vs Nathan Drake” and “Iron Man vs Hulk” were pushed aside.
The last booth that stood in the neckbeards’ way was “Five Nights at Freddy’s 4.” The promise of a full length Five Nights at Freddy’s served only to infuriate the video game purists. The only individuals that separated from the crowd were those that took the time to strike at the booth with their katanas.
“That was it?!” one advisor yelled. “That was your secret weapon?”
Wayne, as stoic as ever, did not look away from the screen.
At last, the mob rounded the corner and faced the Bethesda conference. With a mighty cry of “PC Master Race!” the horde charged. Both man and waifu alike were trampled underfoot as the horde advanced.
Suddenly, no more than ten yards before reaching the conference, the crowd came to a stop. Before them was a pillar with a single piece of paper taped to it. On that piece of paper were the words “Secret Unveiling” and an arrow pointing to the right.
“What’s going on?” an advisor asked. “Why don’t they go around the pillar?”
“Oh my god,” one of the developers said, rising from his chair. “It’s genius. The games we’ve made! The order we’ve advertised them in.... and the event they’re attending... it’s.... it’s genius!”
“What is? I don’t understand.”
At last, Wayne spoke up. “We’ve made Halo 5, three Assassin’s Creed games, Last of Us 2, Fall Out: Bioshock, Lara Croft vs Nathan Drake, Iron Man vs Hulk, and Five Nights at Freddy’s 4.”
“And the conference is at E3,” the developer said as he wrote the names on a dry erase board.
Halo 5 Assassin’s Creed Last of Us 2 Fall Out: Bioshock
Lara Croft vs Nathan Drake Iron Man vs Hulk Five Nights at Freddy’s 4 E3
A single word boomed out from the neckbeards as they sprinted away from the Bethesda conference.
“CONFIRMED!”