Ugh. His attitude makes me cringe.

He wants you to have sex you’re not in to in order him to motivate him to show up in the relationship? That’s so squicky. Blaming you for bringing up finances to “distract” from the lack of sex is flat out insulting.

“If I was getting laid more, I’d be less lazy” seems like such total bullshit.

I honestly don’t know if this is fixable. Ruts happen, and it’s fine.

If I force myself to try to see his side I guess I would say, why are you making his finances your problem? If he’s meeting his obligations to the relationship, it should be fine for him to spend a day here and there drinking beer and playing video games.

The question that begs is what’s your long or medium term plan. Where is this relationship going? It sounds like maybe you’re looking ahead to buying a house, marriage and kids, and he is not on that train at this time. That might be the real issue, but it seems naive to think that after three years, more sex is going to be the issue that makes him want to take the next step (and if the sex isn’t that good for you, you closing your eyes and thinking of England is just going to cause other relationship-destroying resentments).

So maybe that’s the talk you should be having. Where is this going? Is there a long term plan you can both get excited about? If not, maybe it’s time time move on.