While I really appreciate your response, forcing myself to do anything doesn't compute. I am borderline suicidal. Basically desperate for anything to improve my mood and take my mind off of things. I believe now that I am developing into a manic depressive.

With the touch of a button, I can mindlessly scroll through my Twitter feed by switching tabs. I hate that. It's like something I uploading information to my brain as I scroll, controlling and brainwashing me with ads and suggested follows. And despite having legitimate reasons to use Twitter to my advantage, I end up hating everything to do with it. Then I click back to my schoolwork tab and feel guilt. Sometimes I close the tab and then find myself fidgeting to try and take my mind off of it, but the worrying intensifies the longer I fidget.

All this time I feel guilty that I'm not doing the work I promised myself and my parents. I'm not capable of basic productivity on a schedule, and effectively, keeping promises to my family.

I need help. And my family chooses to not recognize ADHD or depression or anxiety disorder as legitimate issues worth addressing. It's like I don't exist. I've told them this, and simultaneously, they tell me i "have a screw loose." It makes me feel alienated and alone and useless when I can't get work done.

While I type this I question whether I really should post this at all. If I push away this part of myself hard enough, distract myself, or find some other outlet for my internal frustrations, then it disappears until later...leaving a dead part of me to be discovered at an inconvenient time for myself and family. And this situation repeats itself :(