You are right, there is a lack of sensitivity toward the asker in a situation, because people live in two different cultures when it comes to questions; ask culture and guess culture.

In ask culture, you are allowed to ask something/anything to someone, and they can say yes or no to the question. Things like "Can you help me move Sunday?" or "Can I crash on your couch this weekend?" or "Would you like to go on a date?". The person being asked can say no, without having to give a reason. In this culture, the people tend to be more open. People are allowed to say no, and no is accepted as full sentence (but of course it's nice to explain why if you want to). The person asking in this case may feel let down due to the no, but they don't act like a little bitch about it, because that's how it works. Both people are on the same page in this case.

Then there is guess culture, which is what people seem to believe is more polite. The way this works is the person asking guesses first, what the person answering will say! "Can you help me move Sunday?". Anxious people ask themselves, what will they say? I bet they would say no, why would they want to help me? It's just an inconvenience for them. "Can I crash on your couch?" - I bet they will say no, so I won't bother asking. Then... you don't ask. The person has no idea you need anything, because you've assumed they don't want to help.

It seems more polite working via guess culture because it doesn't force the other person into a shitty situation where they feel like they have to say yes.

But I personally believe guess culture is ruining people's lives and is something the anxious really struggle with. Guess doesn't actually doesn't work. You're making up an answer for someone else, based on how you feel. You assume that the person being asked is going to say no, so you don't put yourself out there and just ask them. You assume that the other person has trouble saying no, or will be too polite to say no, so you don't ask, in fear of getting a yes that isn't real.

So what you have to do, is go and ask. And accept a no if it's a no. Don't get upset, don't think they have alternate reasons why they said no, because no is an okay answer.

Don't be ashamed of getting excited about human interaction. That is 100% normal! Whoever is telling you that, or whoever is putting negativity toward you for that, they are wrong, and it is likely they struggle with it inside and projecting onto you. People tend to feel the need to bring others to their level while looking for a connection. You change who you are because you think that is what the other person wants.

Just be yourself, and don't be ashamed, no matter what anyone tells you. We're all on this earth looking to connect, and if you never let yourself be vulnerable, by asking a question, and accepting that you might get told no, you will never make a real, deep, satisfying connection with another person.

Just my two cents :) Go for it! Take that anxious energy you have, and turn it around, I know you can, because you said that you feel weird for being excited when meeting people. That's how we are supposed to feel! But some of us turn it into anxious energy, while other people catch a buzz and ride the wave.

P.S: If you get time, have a watch of this TEDx talk - The power of Vulnerability.. We are all the same, but what you choose to do with the energy and thoughts in on you, and what you choose to do will change your actions. You can choose to change them for the better.

If you never ask, you will never know.

If you never get over the fear of asking, you will never truly know. That scares me more than a no does, any day.