this will probably get buried

I'm still pretty young, but I'm very set on never having kids. For one, I love to be in control of everything that is my own. My funds, my home, my belongings. I would not be able to have kids without being a jerk to them, and that would just break my heart.

I don't know how to raise kids, either. My parents are very eccentric, incredibly intelligent people who came from difficult homes. Father diagnosed with PTSD from childhood trauma. My emotional needs and issues have always been passed off as side effects of my intelligence. They hid things about me for years and years, now that I'm an adult I'm sure there are still things they haven't told me. My brother would beat me every time he got upset or in trouble, among other issues that are best kept in my head.

I was pretty happy with my childhood, it was only when I started spending more time with my friends families that I realized that not all siblings beat each other constantly, and your father going into borderline psychosis after mild disagreements is not normal, and that I'm not really dead weight when I don't work to the point of physical collapse.

Anyways, I'm not emotionally unstable, I would consider myself to be a big fish, and I'm surrounded by amazing friends and connections. I'm just really clueless when it comes to raising children, or just children in general.

On top of that I like the same gender and don't wanna put a kid through that, y'know?

To paraphrase something that someone has said to me, a close friend of mine told me: "your life will be meaningless if you never have kids," As if your children and parents are the only people whose lives you can change.

I simply don't talk about my choice to not have kids to people, because it's kinda implied. Nobody says anything. Don't think I'm gonna miss out on much for myself because two dudes can't really have kids.