I usually start out as nicely as I can but his routinely dismissing me always leads to frustration.

Me: "I was wondering if we could talk about this thing? This thing makes me feel hurt for this reason"

Him: "As usual, you're always having a problem with me." / "I'm tired of being told what I'm asshole I am" / "How come everything can be going fine for weeks and then out of the blue you always have to find something to get mad about?"

Me: "I didn't say you're an asshole and I don't ALWAYS have a problem, I just want to talk about THIS thing. Of course I'm happy with all the thoughtful things you do for me and I do tell you that and thank you for those things. But right now I feel like I want to talk about this thing that you do that hurts me..."

Him: "Well I don't like the way you're talking to me so I'm not going to talk about this."

At some point I admittedly lose my cool and start telling him how frustrating it is when he doesn't even try to hear me, that all he cares about is that he's getting hurt by me telling him that he hurt me, he often doesn't let me finish a complete thought before talking over me, and then back and forth yelling ensues. Or he just completely checks out and ignores everything else I try to say. But I TRY to start civilly, he just doesn't want to hear it no matter how I say it, and then he decides that I'm in the wrong for getting mad at all and that he's the bigger person for ignoring my "attempts to hurt him" even though it's not attempts to hurt him, it's attempts to tell him how his actions hurt me.

He eventually says things like "I love you anyway, blessings to you" and it's so pointless because he still hasn't acknowledged the thing that hurts me that I just want addressed or talked about.