Reading your story is like reading mine, except no blowjobs even though I gladly go down on her every time we have sex. Her reason for not giving BJs is because she 'would throw up if she had to put it in her mouth'. She prefer not even touching it at all. And yes, I bathe every day and keep it clean and she haven't had a bad experience. Not with me at least. We are both 40 years old.
We don't live together even though we have been a couple for 2 years, which do make it more difficult. But her having 2 teenage kids in a small apartment makes it a little harder to do anything about that part atm.
But in regards to sex, I think about it constantly and try to get her to come by my place, but she always have excuses. "I'm tired", "The kids can't be alone (They are 17 and 15!)", "The dogs can't be alone", "It's too much effort right now having to shower". Those are the usual ones. I do everything I can to help her with her daily life and support her financialy because she don't have much money (Neither do I but I only have myself at least), and do tons of stuff for her all the time. Basicly my main focus every day, is to help making her the least stressed that I can, putting myself and my desires aside for her. But she don't seem to care and nothing I do ever makes her stop and think "Oh, he did this really nice thing for me, maybe I should do something nice back".
When she does come by for sex, I have to buy and cook expensive food or take her out for dinner first to make it a proper 'date night' and make her feel as comfortable as possible. In return she does NOTHING for me. She always sigh and make it seem like I'm asking a lot from her because I want sex preferably more than once every 2 months (If it was up to me, we would have sex several times a week), and she makes it clear every time that she really don't want to and that she would prefer if I could just do it while she sleeps or get a doll that look like her (She actually said that). And doing it while she sleep is not an option, as she don't want to sleep together because "her bed is too small", and she can't just come sleep at my place because of her almost adult teenagers. I almost feel like I'm part forcing her when she finally say yes. And it leaves a bad taste in my mouth and make it harder to perform sometimes. Also, I have no clue what she likes as she is dead silent during sex and prefer to just lay there like a corpse.
Having to ask her so many times and almost beg her to have sex with me, is really shattering my self confidence. Even every day stuff, like kissing her hello or goodbye makes me feel crap, because she only want to kiss really fast. It's like she would die if our lips touched for more than half a second. And if I try to kiss her more than 2-3 times in a row, she will turn her head away from me with a "Ugh" sound. And I've always been told by previous girlfriends that I'm a really good kisser. But I feel like she doesn't give me a chance. :/
She don't talk about it or any problems in the relationship. If I bring up stuff, she gets mad and stop answering the phone or texts or won't see me for days.
Sorry for the wall of text. I might as well stop here as I can go on forever. Tbh, I don't know why I stay with her. I guess it's because I love her and hope she will wake up some day and realise how great I am? Oh yeah, love. That's another 'great' thing about her. I told her a year or so ago that I love her. She still haven't told me back after more than 2 years. She just laugh or ignore it if I tell her. The nicest thing she has said to me in 2 years, was one time in bed after sex when we were just laying there. I kissed her and told her I loved her. She told me: If I didn't like you, I wouldn't be laying here next to you....