The first guy I was in love with cheated on me a lot and made feel like a psycho for being suspicious. Found many dirty emails/FB messages/texts with girls - he brushed it off & shamed me for snooping. I didn't want to be a typical jealous girlfriend so I let it go. We broke up, stayed friends. A few months later he invited me to a big house party at his place. I proceeded to get very shotfaced on 151, went in the hot tub in my underwear in front of a lot of people. Went and passed out in his room. Woke up to him whipping me with a towel, telling me to get the fuck out of his room, & dragged me out of his bed. I started to fight him back, his sister & his friend came in & pulled us apart and they put me to bed on the couch downstairs. I woke up in the early morning and went into the downstairs bathroom, wrote a note, and slit both of my wrists. He brought me to the hospital & we didn't talk for six months. I was devasted that I didn't die despite losing a lot of blood and had a lot of painful years ahead of me, including a second suicide attempt.

We eventually talked again, he admitted to the cheating, I forgave him, & we'went on to become the greatest of friends.

At the time of us dating, I had very acute depression and anxiety, suffered from panic-induced fainting spells that would sometimes cause me to fall down flights of stairs, and was overall devoid of any self-esteem. Eventually it came to light that the catalyst of my breakdown most likely had to do with the fact I had been raped at knife point a few months before meeting my boyfriend. I didn't tell him or anyone else for over a year and so it manifested in erratic, irrational behavior, love/sex addiction, and further exaggerated my existing depression.

Not trying to validate my behavior but there were definitely some circumstances I wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle.

Him and I are now both in healthy relationships and remain close friends. Despite my nightmarish actions while dating, we've grown to only have love and good thoughts for each other. I went through a lot of therapy and now take Prozac every day, exercise, and use cognitive therapy methods to keep the crazy at bay.

Still crazy, just not so dramatically anymore.