Yeah I am learning it really is not so simple as people think. Its not just about an urge or nausea or something physical, my mind is trying to trick me today. Saying it's not worth it and that I will be miserable and depressed no matter what.

So what youre saying is correct i realized that I have to learn skills that I never knew existed in practice (eg the concept of the monkey brain and controlling it, I am actually understanding that in practice for the first time today), I've heard all the concepts and all the advice before, but only now it actually has resonance. Gonna be a long road for me I'm such a miserable lonesome grumpy asshole, and I need to work that the fuck out!!!

Thanks for your support and advice