It took a long time and some hurt feelings to get my husband to understand that when I need alone time, I need SERIOUS alone time. When I'm really overwhelmed and trying to wind down, that actually takes effort. So when I'm trying to do that and he starts staring at me like he wants to say something, playing music or making noise, that stresses me enough that I feel like I need to start all over again just to get to my baseline... and then I get irritable and withdraw even more. Obviously these things don't bother me when I'm not feeling drained, but when I'm trying to recharge or I'm intently focusing on something and he pulls me out of it, it sucks.

On the other hand, I have to always remind myself how he feels and try to be nicer rather than acting cold or irritable because he doesn't deserve that. And I can't expect him to read my mind. If I need to sit in another room with the door closed because just being in the same room is too much, then I have to tell him that. If him playing music is bothering me, I ask him to shut it off for a while and remind him that I WANT to spend time with him, I just CAN'T until I take care of this being-wound-up thing. I cannot reasonably sit there and ignore him all night (nor do I want to), but I can recharge a lot faster under ideal conditions.

Maybe it's the same thing with your wife. I would talk to her at a more relaxed time and try to find out if you're slowing down her recharge-- she might not even realize it herself (I, like a toddler, used to react emotionally to being disturbed without realizing why, lol). Then maybe you can come to a middle ground where she isn't too stressed out to handle you, and you don't have to feel ignored.