I've been waiting to release this burden on me so here it goes. When I was a junior in high school, near the end of the school year. I was going to kill my ex, literally kill her. My plan was to manipulate her in conversation so we could get along again. (long story short we broke up because I found out she was cheating on me for the three years we dated) things were going well, the more I earned her trust the closer I was to complete my goal. It took about 2 and a half months to get her to invite me over. That same night I wrote a letter directed to everyone I knew. The letter was basically an apology, nothing more. I knew I was going to go to prison for murder, there wouldn't be a point to run away. I had a pocket knife stashed in my cell phone pocket on my pants. I walked inside her house talking to her about summer vacation, jobs, and upcoming events. Then somehow our conversation got deeper. We started talking about "us" where we went wrong. We discussed our feelings at the time we first met. While this whole time she hid the fact that she had another partner on the side. She said she didn't expect our relationship to go that far. She knew the kind of person I was. How sensitive and aggressive I get when I get hurt. I started to think to myself. " this is someone's daughter, granddaughter, aunt, niece, friend, sister etc." It played out like a movie, the aftermath. Prison, her funeral, mourning. "Me killing this woman for breaking my heart is selfish. Although she was cheating, it was young love. I have opportunity in this world. I can't throw my life away for some woman who was scared to end it." We talked for few more hours and I said goodbye. I didn't decide to end her life. Look at me now, 5 years later and I'm happier, and more content with my life. I have a world to explore, killing someone would've thrown it all away. (I decided to see a therapist after thinking something like I did.)