So full disclosure I actually put this together last year for the Pats Ravens game, but I fucked up and forgot to post it in the trash talk thread. I did post it in the game thread, but because it was so long it got about as much love as Janelle Rice in an elevator. So here’s version 2.0 of the RAVENS:
Once upon this Saturday dreary, my Patriots who I love so dearly, Almost let their season slip away while I stomped around my floor. While I’m stomping, heated; fuming, Flacco drops, and Torrey’s zooming, Up the field (disaster’s looming), suddenly there came a roar. “Fuck you Flacco!” I stammered, (I’m already pretty hammered) But he’s throwing picks for points (REVIS!!!!!) that put us up with a go-ahead score. That’s good…..nay GREAT! FUCK Baltimore!
You see distinctly I remember it was ’07 December, For perfection we were contenders, but in the way was Baltimore. See this is where the hatred started, apparently this loss quite smarted The ego of Suggs the Retarded, whose mouth would run for evermore, Against the rare and radiant Brady whom even the angels do adore, His mouth would run for evermore.
While victory had been quite uncertain, appeared a flag of yellow curtain Defensive holding was the ruling and now victory was restored. So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating “Fuck you Bart!” while Tom’s completing a pass to Gaffney for the score. “Silly birds, good luck competing, with passes thrown from Kyle Boller” “What trash!” is all I thought nothing more.
I could not have been much wronger, this team I could ignore no longer 2010 first playoff play from scrimmage Rice rumbles for a score. “Oh shit! Oh fuck!” was my reaction, the whole game we gained no traction, The ravens were the real deal and showed the Pats that we were done for. I then switched it up to whisky and drank until I hit the floor. There was darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I lay there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no Pats fan ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, And the only words there spoken: “Another touchdown Baltimore!” Then I whispered, drunk and weepy “…I hate you Baltimore…” Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the playoffs churning, all my soul within me burning, A superbowl trip I was yearning and LET’S FUCK UP BALTIMORE. “Surely God you’ll grant my wishes, make this kick one Cundiff misses It’s from 32, I know, but please don’t even up the score! Let my heart rejoice a moment and please just let us win this war!” And to the left that kick did soar!
Well God’s quite the comedian, 2013, here we go again, Into Gillette stepped the fucking Ravens of shitty Baltimore Not the least obeisance paid us, 60 minutes they outplayed us Fucking Pollard once again I just can’t take this anymore! Of all players in the NFL he’s the one I most abhor. They won, we lost, but wait there’s more!
What was worse was the poignant sting of watching Lewis get that ring, That motherfucker’s stupid crying shook me right down to my core. Though they did earn the Lombardi, I can say that for me hardly Was it easy to watch them party draped in ticker tape décor I hate the players, I hate the team, and I hate Baltimore FUCK THE RAVENS, EVERMORE!
So let me just dish out some hate, just take a listen, it’s so great To talk a little trash and state some shit ‘bout Baltimore. The city sucks, (sup urban blight), go there and find to your delight, That if you wander around at night then the end guns you will explore. So again I’d like to underscore FUCK THE RAVENS, EVERMORE!!
And Terrell Suggs, don’t get me started, as I stated, he’s retarded, He’s got stupidity that’s uncharted and he’s always dishing more. Ray Rice beat up his wife, we all know Lewis cleaned that knife, And Joe Flacco needs a life even his dad thinks he’s a bore. So everyone on /r/nfl please chant with me I do implore FUCK THE RAVENS, EVERMORE!!!
So after all it’s only fitting, in front our dream this team is sitting, And this game upon our winning will be etched into this matchup’s lore, And if the gods find my wants befitting, the ravens will be sitting, WILL BE SITTING, On the outside looking in behind a closed up playoff door. And happiness will be had by all with cries of joy from shore to shore: “FUCK THE RAVENS, EVERMORE!!!!”
TL;DR: Quoth the raven, FUCK THE JETS