This!! This took me a long time to realize. I constantly jumped from relationship to relationship and kept finding myself unhappy. Of course the honeymoon stage was always wonderful - but once the “new car scent” wore off… The happiness was never sustainable.
It wasn’t until I aged and became less desirable and men stopped chasing me around… that’s when reality kind of hit me with the ugly stick of truth. I was finally left alone to contemplate my thoughts and actions.
That’s when I realized that I didn’t really like myself. I liked who I was pretending to be in the beginning of relationships, and I liked the illusion I created for strangers. But deep down… I truly didn’t like who I was. That’s why I ran from it constantly, in search of people who would validate the fake features of my personality.
Even though the realization came later in life… Im still glad I was able to recognize it in myself.