“Somebody help me! Somebody please! It’s an emergency! Call the police! Officer! Sir! Please sound the alarm! I’ve just seen a creature who means to do harm!” “No need to fret,” the Officer said. “Take a deep breath and settle your head. I’ll grab a pencil and paper for drawing. Now speak of this demon, just as you saw him.” “Him?” the Man asked. “Well, it may be a her! To tell you the truth, I’m really not sure. The creature’s features defy category.” “Relax,” the Cop said. “Just tell me the story.” “OK,” said the Man, “well, the whole thing was covered With big, bushy growth, like a land undiscovered. The hair on it twisted from bottom to top. The curling and swirling of fur wouldn’t stop! “And you wouldn’t believe what lay buried beneath: A big gaping mouth without any teeth! A treacherous hole all dirty and grimy With walls that were covered in goo, thick and slimy. “And up at the surface: these terrible lips Surrounding the chasm in thick meaty strips, Like two beefy curtains or a holiday ham, A burrowing beaver or a big, bearded clam. “And oh! The B.O! What a horrible smell! Like ten tuna tacos in a moldy motel. Or somebody’s feet that old age turned crusty Or lockers of socks that are unwashed and musty.” “Please stop!” said the Cop. “This is terrible stuff! I will listen no more! Enough is enough! I’ve heard all I need. Now, check out my sketch Is this what you've seen? This terrible wretch?” “Yes,” said the Man. “You’ve heard my words well. You’ve perfectly drawn up this demon from hell. But now what will happen? What should we do? Sound the alarm! Assemble a crew!” “No,” said the Cop. “We should keep this between us. The creature is hungry and hunting for penus. If more men go searching it’ll pick up our scent. Now quickly point out which direction it went.” “It’s hungry?” he wondered. “And wanted my dick? What kind of creature could be so sick?” “It’s called a Peuss,” the Officer said. “I’ve fought it before. I thought it was dead. “I battled this beast back in seventy-nine. Though I won the war, it stole what was mine." "You mean..." the Man questioned, expressing his shock. "It's true," the Cop answered. "It swallowed my cock. “And now, once again, there is danger to face. The road will take us to a terrible place. Stay here if you think you’re not up for the chase. With a Peuss on the loose, there’s no time to waste.” twitter: @drpeuss instagram: @drpeuss