Blizzard Headquarters, Irvine, CA Friday night 8:46PM
Boiler room 4 was situated deep within the bowls of Blizzard headquarters. A cramped, humid, oppressive environment commonly avoided even by building maintenance. Tonight however a small card table has been set up, various Dungeons and Dragons books strewn about it. Huddled over the table, Ion Hazzikostas, Tom Chilton and Cory Stockton, whisper nervously to each other, occasionally rolling a die.
All three men freeze in terror when footfalls can be heard in the hallway outside. The door opens, and in walks John Allen. The three older men release a collective sigh.
Josh: "Hey guys, sorry I'm late, but thanks for inviting me to play in the Blizz Dev D&D game."
Ion (behind a GM shield): "No problem, I know I had a hard time finding boiler room 4 the first time."
Josh: "Yeah, why are we playing down here? Wouldn't a conference room be better?"
A hushed silence fell over the room, nervous glances were exchanged amongst the older devs, finally Tom Chilton speaks up.
Tom: "Oh yeah never mind that man, have a seat."
Josh: "Um OK, well to be honest, I wouldn't have made it at all if I hadn't asked Chris where the room was."
Panic washes over the faces of the older devs. Tom frantically starts scooping book into his backpack. Ion gapes in shocked silence, while Cory begins sobbing.
The door bursts open and in walks Chris Metzen, a load of books held in his sweaty arms, his cheeto dust encrusted fingers staining the hundreds of printed pages of optional rules gleaned from the dark corners of the internet.
Chris: "Hey guys, I made it! Don't worry I found some more home brew Shaman rules, I'll save your elf this time, Cory."
Cory Stockton finally snapped. Tears streaming down his face, snot bubbles forming in his nostrils, he reaches into his back pack and pulls out a colt 1911 .45 caliber automatic pistol. Without a word he places the barrel of the gun into his mouth and pulls the trigger.
Tom: Mother of God!
Chris: "Oh I guess there's a chair now!"
Metzen shoves the mortal remains of his one time friend out of his chair and has a seat.
Chris: "Oh Ion, I rolled a 70 and now thrall has a really hot orc wife he met on a magic journey, and now he has 400 babies."
John: "Uhhh not sure how you can roll a 70 on a d20, but how could an orc have 400 babies at once."
Tom and Ion snapped out of the shock of Cory's suicide to stare at Josh in abject horror.
Chris: "AAAAAHHHHH!!! FRACK YOU," he rifles threw the hundreds of printed pages grabbing a mountain dew stained page printed from some obscure website and thrusting it into Josh's face. "IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT, ORCS CAN HAVE 400 BABIES AT ONCE, AND THRALL USED ELEMENTS! OH AND HE CAN FLY NOW CAUSE OF THE RULES ERRATA ON PAGE 432 OF THE UNDERNERDS HANDBOOK."
Ion and Tom cowered in fear, huddled together in the dusty corner of the room, leaving Lore to the full fury of Metzen's Mary Sue, tirade. Chris flings the table over, spilling books and beverages all over the grimy concrete floor.
Chris: "THRALL ALSO SAVED THE MOON, AND HE'S THE ONLY ORC ALLOWED IN VALHALLA AND HE TOTALLY DID A VALKYRIE WHILE HE WAS THERE, AND HE IS AN HONORARY DRAGON (Sadly that ones actually true), AND EVEN THOUGH HIS PARENTS WERE BOTH ORCS HE'S ALSO PART FAIREY, HIGH ELF, ANGEL, DEMON, VAMPIRE, AND WEREWOLF!....................."
Chris continued for hours, dear reader. Let this be a cautionary tale to any aspiring games developers amongst you. Don't let the rules lawyers Mary Sue character ever become the main character in your game.