Yes. . OkCupid. I have always cleaned his email. He never cleans the spam, junk, and all that out of his email so I've been doing it for years for him. Id see the occasionally dating site, but just chalked it up to spam and didnt even read it. But this time I saw please confirm your email one... already opened. And a few more about blahblah liking your picture. I went. He had a long detailed profile about who he was what type of girl he was looking for.. he had pictures id never seen of him, selfies he took just for this site. He had pictuees of him and my family (yes I was in it!!).
The real kicker? He had made this profile when he left me all alone to go with his family for christmas.
We had been dating 7 years at that point and were about to get engaged. He was going to boot camp in 7 months so he insisted on going with his family to see his grandma 3 states over for christmas even though id literally be completely alone for a christmas. The whole months of nov and dec I was pissed. He had a choice, and he chose to leave his "wife to be" completely alone.
So while I am sitting there pissed and alone he was making a dating profile sending messages to girls and shit.
I found out while he was at work. I called him on his work phone and said I know about your fucking ok cupid page. He said he'd be home in 30 mins to talk.
He then proceeded to say it's because I was being a bitch for 2 months and was making him choose between his family and me. I said I was ALONE. You spent 23 christmases with them, this time I had no one! He then said I've changed.. physically aka I had gained 70lbs.
It was a lot of me screaming at the top of my lungs, alot of crying... I broke everything that had any kind of sentimental value. I told him to get out and never come back. He tried to take rhe dog and 42 inch. I said he's going into the military he cant keep a dog and I bought the tv. That was the first time he fought back. I was pissed he cared more about the tv than me.
We screamed and fought from 3pm to 7am. It was brutal. We were crying holding each other by the end. We literally put everything on the table.
I was his first real gf. And now here he was 23 and about to marry me. He was scared. He wasnt ready for that. He had never been with another girl. He thought we would break up over christmas because i didn't talk to him at all for 2 days. He was scared out of his damn mind to commit to getting married only to end up divorced like alot of military couples.
I had fallen deep deep deep into depression. I gain 70lbs. I never took care of myself. I didn't want to talk. I was mean.
His reasons didn't excuse his actions.. but I understood better. All of it. I was still pissed.
We lived together but slept seperate for a week.
We fought about it a few more times... then I finally was just like.. I either have to let it go, TRUST him again, and move forward or end it. I can't not trust him, worry all the time, and stay with him.
It took a few months but we worked it out, talked a whole whole lot, and we grew stronger because of it. We got engaged the day before he left for boot camp, and I had a lot of time to learn how to be independent again. Learned how to be happy with myself and by myself. I went from 188 to 159.
He learned how much he loved me. He had never, in 7 years, been more than a week without me. Honestly we both fell in love all over again.
We both changed for the better. Grew up really.
The key to it all though was me having to trust him 100% again and him not betraying that trust. There was no oher way. Either I gave up 100% worrying about him cheating or it would never work out. (Easier said then done... hint the few MONTHS it took)
TL;DR He used okcupid. I found out. We fought. We made up.