Dear heart, Ive worked in entry level for 20 something years before meds. Ive meds now, and made it up one level. ( ooh, above minimum wage, a little!) BUT, I know I am soon good at things that dont require me to work in mall, with normal people who dont see things the same. So I do many many of them, at home. Im making costume for my ballet studio. Im doing ballet. Im wrote a couple of books, Im going to be in a band ( Im 46, its industrial noise- never too late to have a happy childhood. ) I beat myself up constantly , even tho I know its not good and frankly, wrong. One thing that saved me, after meds, was mindfulness. My psych is brilliant at this ( she's awesome! ) she has a site, called "the laughing monk", her name is dr caroline manuel. ( Australia.) Look it up. We can't do regular meditation, Clearing your mind, might as well try to float! What we can do, and brilliantly, is mindfulness. Being THERE, when you are DOING a thing. Sometimes by hyper focus, sometimes, by just endorphins, because your moving around. Do something that gets you moving. Even if you work retail, you can use your hyper, to be the kind of sales person managers have wet dears about ( kidding!) Meaning, one who does things. Most people, at my job do f- all. A tiny percent does most work. Mostly above 20s, because younger people don't care, or they figure they will graduate out of it, or they are simply too thick. The more you move, the more you do- maybe not one thing at a time but five, still means you did more. And retail loves this. And retail will always pay the bills, while you study. Or do something else. You will have to enlighten your managers on how you roll, and such but once they know, and see how you do- often they make concessions for your talent. Which is to constantly move. And this - my work thinks I am the QUEEN of finding. EVERYONE asks me, in a HUGE dept store, where is the thing? Because that meerkat ability means, your looking around, cos you bored stiff, yeah. But ADHD people usually have photographic memory which compensate. So I KNOW where to find the stuff, because - well, Im nosy. I am always depressed, also. But once I get moving, I forget about it, because I am super focused on whatever stupid task I have. I make every task- a ritual. I may be weird, and someone who speaks gibberish half the time, but when I do something, I do the HELL out of it. I have to asked, Odile - dont do so MUCH this task, ok? Just wing, it. Because they know, after 5 years ( five years! I kept a job! two with meds ) - Im going to really be on top of it. I dont think about other jobs. Ive got cert 3 in gym instruction but opted out, so I know ( no meds for that either!) I can do something else, just not sure what. For now, Im paying my mortgage AND my bestie ( his job is gone awful from politics in his country, and he has Manic depression, so he need my help. And paying me back, someday!) Every morning, I hate life, and everyone, but once I get moving, " I like to move it move it!" Use that song, cos no one moves like we do ,Fast and furious. I dont do fake either. But look around, there are other quiet people. Get to be known as the soft spoken, serious but kind person. Someone like that might not be uber popular, but guess who everyone comes to for advice? Get out of office, do a crap retail job. You may just rock there. Offices are traps, for anyone who can't sit still, or can't work alone. You will get there, I know it hurts. It hurts everyday, and might for a while or maybe always. But that doesn't mean that YOU are wrong. Its just you don fit. Brilliant people NEVER fit, even if they have ADHD. I was tested two points below MENSA in 8th grade grammar, and I worked NOTHING but crap jobs. Its only at age 46, I decided, well fuck it. As long as I HAVE a job. Nothing wrong with a minor level job. Look at immigrants. They often work the WORST jobs, so hard.Because they must. In my country I figured, how many people speak English as a second language ( I speak ADHD, English is second!)? Hundreds of thousands. And they have problems fitting in, and getting understood. Im not so different. We are, similar. So I thought, well then! Im just gonna see it like that. Im speaking a second language, from another country, and people who work with me, the same, these people are my mates. And they are so HAPPY to have others, not care that they might not even speak english or such. A smile is all they ask for. So humble. So, I try to humble myself, because Ive got two people to support ( me and my friend, and via mortage- my ex. ) Its hard and its scary. But Ive gone thur worse. And so has my bestie. So we try to support each other with crippling depression. He's very smart. He told me, all you can do is wait it out. I do. Being brilliant, means you find most of the world is run by stupid people. And always has. But the world NEEDS brilliant people. Nothing has been achieved, without them. It sucks, but at least we dont have to have to hoe fields. Or work in a abattoir. One young man I met, so nice, so sweet. His family was killed in front of him. In Somalia. He escaped by walking across almost all of Somalia, and half of Kenya. He was rescued and put into a detention centre for years. He was let out and worked in a abattoir ( god, no ), just to live. He finally is going to school. Ive never hear him complain, always nice. Very quiet. only 18. I wish I could have his attitude. I will also put a link I watched that made me cry, and gave me some hope. I know we want to say, Egypt! Let Our people go!! This means, in this age of so much immigration, and problems with bringing people from war torn countries in ( youth gangs, who dont know HOW to be, how could they! )- we with ADHD, people who struggle all our lives with communication - we are the LINK for anyone, all, who come to our countries who dont fit int. Who can't speak the language, Who feel out of place and ashamed. WE are NEEDED for great things. If we only have the courage and the heart, to grow into them. Be this, be Lion hearted. For out of the Strong, came forth sweetness ( and Im not Christian. But hey, it works.)